Top Sleep Tips for New Parents
Becoming a new parent is one of the biggest life changes a person can experience. No matter how much preparation you do, books you read, people you talk to and podcasts to listen to, you can only do so much to get you ready before it actually happens.
If you speak to any parent - new or experienced - there’s no topic more popular than sleep. Usually it’s about how well the baby is sleeping, but also how little the parents are sleeping. We’re here to tell you that the amount of sleep you get as a parent is SUPER important. Only 5% of parents with children 0 - 6 months of age get 8 hours of sleep a night. 43% get between 1 - 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep. 17% self identify as not getting enough sleep every single night with a new baby.
These stats are alarming. And while a lack of sleep is unfortunately a part of having a new baby, we hope these tips will help you make the most of when you can sleep. But first, we want to explore exhaustion in new parents a bit more.
Exhaustion and new parents
A lack of sleep can wreak havoc on your emotions, your mental health and your physical health. About 64% of new moms experience postpartum fatigue. The fatigue is not just normal fatigue, either. After giving birth, you experience different hormone imbalances, nutrient changes, thyroid changes and added stress. Add on that newborns wake up every 3 or so hours and being exhausted is putting it mildly.
New dads can experience exhaustion just like moms can, especially since they may be getting up in the night to help the mothers sleep, or working out of the home at the same time. In fact, more than 70% of new dads report physical and emotional exhaustion caused both by lack of sleep and also leaving their partner and baby to go to work every day.
It’s important to note that exhaustion for both parents is a reality. They can be different and mothers may experience a different type of fatigue because of the physical impact that giving birth has. Communication and compassion for each other is key. Being a new parent is stressful. Being an exhausted new parent is a whole other ball game. Being on the same team can help you feel supported and take away some of the anxiety around these feelings.
Why exhaustion for new parents can be dangerous
When you have a new child in the home - whether your first or your fifth - the exhaustion is bound to take its toll. It is important to take it seriously. The exhaustion and fatigue experienced by new parents should be taken seriously for a few reasons.
It impacts your mental health
When we say mental health, we mean a few things. Sleep and rest is key to keeping out emotions in check. It helps you think rationally and process experiences in a logical way. Exhaustion impacts how your brain functions, can disrupt your sense of self and leave you feeling off. We have all experienced being cranky and irritable when sleep deprived. When these feelings are heightened by fluctuating hormones and a major life change, it can be scary.
Postpartum depression
Also called the “baby blues”, postpartum depression (PPD) is a type of depression experienced after childbirth. It is usually identified by mood swings, anxiety, difficulty feeling connected to the baby, crying, feeling of hopelessness or feeling lost and empty.
6.5% - 20% of mothers experience postpartum depression. It can be an extremely challenging and difficult topic to talk about among new mothers because the rhetoric around being a new mom is often excitement and happiness. Speaking up about feeling down after giving birth can be challenging. Thankfully, there has been a lot more exposure and awareness about PPD over the past few years and many more new mothers are talking about it. One of the bigger conversations is identifying postpartum depression versus exhaustion. Many mothers with PPD think what they’re feeling is normal and expected; that they’re just tired. This is another reason why they don’t say anything.
If you are struggling mentally after giving birth, there is nothing wrong with you and it may not be normal exhaustion. There are resources and people who want to help. Please speak to your doctor so they can help identify the best way to help.
It increases the risk of accidents
Accidents and injuries are common when you’re sleep deprived. You are more at risk of having an accident when tired than when you’re not. So there is a safety side to making sure you get enough sleep as well.
It weakens your immune system
Sleep and rest are vital to keeping your body healthy. When we sleep is when our bodies heal, repair and rejuvenate. Removing rest is unfortunately a great way to get sick and feel burnt out physically.
For new moms and those who have given birth especially, you need sleep in order to heal your physical body as well. Society often talks a lot about pregnancy and then having children, but glosses over the reality that a baby is born from a human body. It’s magical and natural, but also exhausting and painful. Bodies need time to heal and sleep is important for that.
Sleep gives you energy
This may be obvious, but many parents try to push through the exhaustion because getting thing done feels like a higher priority. But getting rest and sleeping when you can gives you the energy to play with your new child and do the things you need to do. For many, making that change of priority can be challenging and also contribute to the feeling of losing yourself.
Top sleep tips for new parents
If you’re a new parent or someone who has welcomed a new baby into your home, these sleep tips can help you rest up as much as possible.
Be honest with yourself about your sleep
As soon as parenthood kicks in, there’s a lot of pressure. Pressure you put on yourself, pressure form other parents, pressure from society… It can leave new parents feeling like they need to do everything perfectly or else they’re bad parents. That is absolutely not true.
unfortunately, this pressure to act like everything is great can lead to parents lying to themselves about how they’re doing. We encourage you, first off, to be honest with yourself about your sleep quality and habits since becoming a new parent. This will make the following steps a lot easier.
Ask for help
This is number one.
First of, if you do have a partner raising your child with you, do not feel bad asking for help. Babies belong to two people when conceived in a partnership. Mothers should not automatically have 100% of the care responsibilities. Fathers don’t "babysit” their children. The first few weeks of asking for help, being open about what each of you need and sharing duties creates a foundation of partnership for when you raise your child. Speak up and ask for help.
Second, human beings have relied on villages to help raise new children for thousands of years. Asking for help can be really hard but trying to raise a new baby on your own can be even harder. This is especially true for single parents or those who don’t have a partner.
Your “village” can look like whatever you need it to! Your partner, parents, siblings, friends, neighbours, aunts, uncles… whoever you can have in your corner, let them be there. If you do not have a large group of people around you and feel yourself struggling, speak to your doctor or OBGYN about support options out there. They may connect you with other professionals or recommend community groups with other mothers.
Sleep when the baby sleeps
This golden rule is shouted from rooftops of parents everywhere. Even a 30 minute nap every few hours can make a big difference. If you’ve never been a napper, there’s no better time to start than now.
Skip your chores
You can’t do it all. If it comes down to sleeping or cleaning, choose sleep. If it can wait, let it wait. This change of priorities is really important for taking care of yourself, too! If the baby is sleeping, and you can nap, shower or do dishes, let dishes sit lowest on that list. And maybe you really need a hot shower. But put yourself and your health as a top priority.
Share baby care
Whether this is your partner, husband, wife or village, let others help. Sharing baby duties like feedings, bath time, tummy time supervision, or walks can free up that little bit of time you need to close your eyes.
Take advantage of paternal leave
In Ontario, parents can share their EI support for parental leave. You may also have private mat or pat leave to take time off to spend with your baby. Take advantage of this time and don’t stretch yourself too thin if you don’t have to.
Be kind with yourself
Lastly, we want to remind you that compassion for yourself is super important. Becoming a parent does a lot to you physically, emotionally and mentally. Take time to stay connected to your partner and yourself. Being kind to yourself can reduce anxiety and keep the pressure off of you. Being anxious will only make it harder to rest and relax.
New parents and sleep
Having a new baby is so exciting and such a special part of life. Do what you can to make sleep a priority so you can enjoy the time you spend with your baby. And never forget to ask for help if needed.